Theron Joe - a photo post

Maternity. a photo post.

The Painful Implications of Gratefulness

I have no recipe today for you... but I do have a few thoughts. I have been learning a lot recently, and the thoughts bouncing around in my head demanded an outlet. Lucky you, you get to hear them as my outlet.

My relationship with God is a long story of struggle.
Sometimes I think that Jacob got off easy with just one night of fighting with God... I sometimes feel like I never stop fighting with God.
I am an independent person.
No-one tells me what I should do, how I should feel, who I should be.
I need my life to make sense, to be under control.
I need to be in control.
And God does not fit nicely into that need.

And so we fight.
I struggle.
I give in a little.
I take it back.

And then I blame God because there is no joy in my life.
Why no joy? I yell at Him.
You are supposed to give me joy.
 I have none. 
You are failing.

How arrogant I am.

I have been reading a book recently called One Thousand Gifts. It has continued me on a path that I have been on for some time, that of gratefulness. Oddly, it would seem that gratefulness is the key to a lot of things. A lot more than I thought at first.
The author of this book challenges me to begin giving thanks for everything, to begin acknowledging the gifts of God every day, in every situation. To literally practice being grateful for everything.

When I began this practice, only a week ago, I began it for me.
I wanted, I needed joy in my life.
My controlling tendencies drive me to stress and depression far too often, and I needed to get out of the cycle once again.
This seemed like a good way.

It seemed like a tame, easy way to access joy for my life.  
Thank you for the sunshine. 
Thank you for warm bread. 
Stop, be thankful, feel joyful, move on.

Being grateful seemed like such a simple, easy thing to do. It is fun, stopping to acknowledge and thank God for the warmth of the sunshine stretching golden through my kitchen window.

And yet, I found, that gratefulness, when put into practice for a while, even a week, begins to pull and pick at surprising places. The act of seeing each thing as a gift from God for right now to be thankful for has far-reaching consequences.

If this thing before me is an extravagant gift from God for this moment, then... I have no inherent right to it. Nothing I did means that I deserve this thing. Nothing I can do will ensure that I will never lose it.

To give thanks for a thing is to face the fact that I did not earn it, and it may go away. It may be gone tomorrow. And that, when it is gone, I have no right to throw a fit, to be angry,  because it was not mine to begin with. 
If I give thanks for this gift from God, I am acknowledging that it is God's. Not mine.
I have no rights. 

For a control freak like me, and perhaps like every human on the planet, it is painful for me to face that idea over and over every day.
It is more painful than I expected to acknowledge each thing for what it is: a fleeting, temporary, extravagant gift that God is allowing me to enjoy today. 
And yet... it is freeing. Painful, yes. But freeing, too.
For, if it is not mine, if I have no right to it, then I do not have to grasp it, to hold on to it, to attempt to control it.
My emotions can go toward enjoying it and being thankful for it, rather than toward worrying about losing it, and trying to hold on to it.

And my demands and requests of God, my worries and stresses begin to be turned on their heads.

Please give me security. 
Thank you for a roof over my head today. 

Keep my husband safe. 
Thank you for the privilege of living life with my husband today. 

Make my baby whole and perfect. 
Thank you for making my baby exactly the way You need him to be. Thank you for choosing me to be his mother. 

Why would you take away this house, make us find another? 
Thank you for Your perfect plan.  

Give me joy.
Thank you for today. 

How simple.
How hard.
I have no claim on tomorrow.
Thank you for today.

     

Sherman

Well, school is finally out for the year. I know, you didn't have any idea I was in school, right, since I kept posting just as frequently during the semester as normal.... yeah right. Twenty hours of classes nommed my life. But it's over now! Happy day.

In other news, we got a puppy! Hence the adorable picture. Sherman is about 9 weeks old, and he is what we refer to in proper terms as a "mutt." He is 1/4 blood hound, 1/4 blue heeler, 1/4 beagle, and 1/4 terrier. Basically, he is a mutt of hound dog leanings. But boy is he cute! And he has blue eyes. Which makes him even cuter.

We've had Sherman for about a week, and so far he has learned his name, that he has to sit down before coming inside, and to look very, very guilty if he has an accident in the house. So, we'll call that progress.

He also snores when he's asleep, likes to chew on potatoes, hates the garbage truck, and can't completely control all of his legs at the same time when running.

He likes to crawl under the couch and fall asleep under there, but frequently forgets where he fell asleep, and bonks his head on the couch when he wakes up and tries to lift his head. I never, ever laugh when this happens. ... ok maybe I do just a little.

Also, we went for a picnic recently and got some very pretty pictures of flowers which I will now share with you.

I'm quite happy to be out of school for the summer, and able to cook more and post more blog posts. Yay food, blog posts, summer, flowers, and puppies! 

Send My Friend to China!

This is Courtney.
You should help her get to China.

Not that I don't want her here or anything like that.
I mean, I like her being here...
Hence, she's my friend.
You know, someone I don't want around wouldn't really be my friend...
And she's my friend, so I like her being around...
Because she is happy and fun and makes life better....

So that's not why I'm saying you should send her to China.
yeah.
Actually, it's because she wants to go to China.
To teach English to cute children at a summer camp.
Which is a worthy cause, you know?
Besides, she's cute.
Look at her thinking of China.

Anyway, she is saving and trying to raise money to go this next summer, so I took photos of her this afternoon to make prayer cards with and stuff. And so I had these photos and thought I'd introduce you to her in case you want to help her by giving her money, or by telling other people about her, or by praying for her lots and lots.
(because in my opinion, praying is even better than moneys. Strange, I know.)

She even has a blog of her own so that you can hear straight from her what she is doing and why! Here it is:
http://sendmetochina.blogspot.com/

So go read it, and love her, and pray for her, and send her to China!!!

Thoughts About Fall. A picture blog.

Fall Break in New Mexico - a picture blog.

My House Part 2

So now that you have waited oh-so-patiently a couple of days (ok, so I didn't get to blogging on my to-do list yesterday), I will now deliver the "after" pictures.

Here is the living room, from the same view points as the before pictures: 

Here is the bathroom (again, same view point):

Kitchen:

Dining room:

Bedroom-- there were no before pictures of the bedroom because our landlord's stuff was stored in there and we couldn't even get into it until three days before we left for our wedding. Hence, by the time we got into it, I was so panicked about getting it done that I didn't think to take pictures. Trust me, it was a mess.

The spare bedroom and the pantry don't need to be included yet because they are currently being worked on. My family (hi family!) is coming in a couple of weeks to stay with us so we are frantically trying to make a place for them to be able to stay. It's coming along fast though, so pictures of that will be up soon.

My mother-in-law (hi mommyinlaw!) helped me with painting in the pantry today. That was so much fun because it was 103 degrees today, our house doesn't have air conditioning, and the pantry especially has no airflow at all. Also, the only painting-pants I have are jeans, so I was wearing jeans. Fun fun. At least I wasn't doing it all by my lonesome! =]

So there you go, the house transformed. I hope you enjoyed this series, tune in next time for more of whatever I come up with to write about!