27.1.09

When God Whispers

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I'm not the kind of person that normally listens to hymns. My iPod pretty much has the same songs on it as the internet radio station TheBlast.fm (that's Christian Rock; don't follow that link unless you like fairly hard music). My favorite bands are Disciple, Skillet, etc.... you get the point. 

But, I play the piano, and one of my favorite pastimes is to play... hymns! I have this big ol' hymnal (the large version of "Sing To the Lord" by the Nazarene church, for those of you who are interested)  and I'll play for hours, just turning the pages and playing whatever comes up. Usually, I do this when I'm stressed... or frustrated... or tired. Some of my best times with God have been while playing hymns on the piano. I guess, because it's different than what I normally listen to, it's something special... and the words to some of those classic hymns are incredible. 

I have my old favorites... How Firm a Foundation (you have to sing every verse to that song); Oh the Deep Deep Love of Jesus (love the tune to that one)... but once in a while I'll find a brand-new one that I have never heard before. And sometimes the words will just hit me over the head... it's like God just reaches down, taps me on the shoulder, and goes "I have something to say to you right now. Listen to this." 

That happened this afternoon. 
I've been a bit stressed lately. I'm extremely excited about this next chapter of life, but today, nevertheless, I was stressed. Several things play into that. Moving is a stress anytime. Add that to moving away from where I grew up. To a brand new country. To be followed closely by another move and the start of college. Leaving friends (that is proving pretty difficult for me). Annnd then... a close friend of mine's dad passed away a few days ago. 
Add that to stupidly small things, like frustrations of trying to work out plane reservations on the phone, and making sure my suitcase is under 20kg; and you have a very stressed Danielle sitting down to the keyboard this evening. Ehh... maybe God just thought it was time to remind me of a few truths.

I was playing a favorite (Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah), and then turned the page to hymn number 97. I'd never seen it before, but just started playing at the beginning without reading the words first... reading them for the first time as I played.

Well, the tune is amazing too; but I can't put it on my blog easily; so the words will have to do. I started crying halfway through the first verse.

Be still my soul; the Lord is on thy side. 
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end. 

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and wind still know 
His vioce who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hast'ning on 
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.


24.1.09

Perfect Struggle

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I keep thinking I'm gonna have it all together one of these days. You know, wake up and suddenly I am the amazingly wonderfully perfect person that I want everyone to think I am. Uh... don't they?
But it hasn't happened yet (sorry to disappoint you!)... and I'm beginning to think it never will. And I'm beginning to wonder if... maybe... just maybe... that isn't the point. Maybe, the point of life isn't to become perfect, or to get it all together. Maybe... just maybe... the point... is the struggle. Allow me to clarify.

Sometimes I look at the circumstances around me; the questions I'm wrestling with; the issues I'm dealing with, and I just have to say to God-- Couldn't You have made this easier? Couldn't You have made this clearer? More black-and-
white? More obvious? I can think of at least 1253 ways that You could have worked this out so that it was more clear, and less of a struggle!
Following the logic that I am not smarter than my Creator, I am sure that He could think of even more ways to make the answers more obvious. You know, a writing-on-the-wall kind of thing? And sometimes I just have to wonder... why didn't He? 

And I wonder if maybe... just maybe... the point... is the struggle. Maybe... the point of life isn't to become perfect, but to become close to God. Maybe... maybe He chooses the less-than-obvious pathway to force us to come face-to-face with Him again? Force us to once more wrestle with Him as He shows us the seemingly hidden trail? Perhaps the point of this struggle is not the
 answer to the question, but the close inspection of the Face of God.  And perhaps... it's not wrong to wrestle with questions... maybe... just maybe... the point... is the struggle.

Big girl, don't cry; perfect princess, don't fall
Big boy, don't stumble; don't blink at all--
Fulfill perceptions; nine-tenths of the law
'Cuz God's in heaven-- on earth no flaw.

Denied confusion now fills my ears--
"I have no struggles; I shed no tears"
Can't allow these questions after all these years
'Cuz God's in heaven -- I'm perfect down here.

Now shed facades; break secret fears
In honest condition, He draws me near
This conflict is what makes me real
Though God's in heaven, He meets me here.

This desperately searching through pathways confused
Recurring undoing; this grasping for truth;
This molding, this breaking, this healing, this shaping,
This conflict, this question-- my child,
You're perfect.... in the struggle.


20.1.09

It's a Small World

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It is! They (the omnicsient They) say that every person is only six people away from everyone else in the world.... So, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone... and in six layers out, you know the whole earth. I think an exception must be made, though, for missionary kids... I mean, the sheer volume of people we know.... in the number of countries we know them in. Rarely does someone mention a country that I do not say "hey, I have a friend there!" (or at least think it) I mean, I have friends from everywhere from France to Argentina to Switzerland (hi Rachel!) to Dungog, Australia. (you knew that was coming, Olli.) 
Well, anyway, where I was going with this is that it's about time to leave Fiji, because we can't walk a block in town without stopping to chat with someone we know.... day before yesterday, in Suva, in one store-complex (what we call a mall...a tiny, tiny mall) we met 7 people that we knew... stopped and talked with, found out how their cousin-brothers were doing, etc. By the time we got to the car, we were laughing and saying that it was about time to leave this country and go make some new friends... we know everyone here! 
So, yeah, that's my random thought of the day.

17.1.09

Pizza and Youth

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Well, as a farewell to the Q and I, Malcolm (our youth pastor) took some of us out for pizza before youth on Friday, which was great fun.
















Below: Malcolm and Abel

















Below is The Q, Olli, me, and Leah ...ehh, for those of you who don't know, Leah is this awesome friend of mine from youth; she's lived in Spain so we speak Spanish to each other just to frustrate Q and Olli ;)
















Me and Priteeka, Malcolm's wife.















And yes, I am going to post just a couple more pictures from youth... come on you guys, I have to,-- I just love my youth group!






























Anyway, we had a great service... I guess I won't be back at Vital Connection for a while anyway... but I would love to go back whenever we come back back to visit Fiji. God is really using that group of teens.

As always, more photos at my picasa album, and also there's some on Olli's.

11.1.09

Afternoon with those crazy people who are brave enough to be friends with us....

4 comments:
Well, yeah... so we got the whole gang together for one last...uh... get-together...before we leave.
Roches, and Schultzies.
So for those of you who don't know our (very) good friends, this is an introduction. Meet the Roches and the Schultzies, who have put up with our family for many years, the poor people. They are a huge part of what has made me who I am today... so, uh... blame them.

Now, I gotta esplain something about these pictures: I had a cold yesterday. Sooo, I look like I'm crying in all the photos. And I'm not. Not in all of them. Only in the last few, after we had group prayer and, thanks to Calli's prayer, I ruined what makeup I had left. In those I am crying. But in the rest I am merely the victim of a slight cold.
And yes, I feel better today, thank you all for wondering.

Well, the cameras came out right away, to make sure we all actually had documentation of the fact that we did know each other. Below is Calli (Roche) playing with Olli (Schultz)'s camera....
















then, Quinton playing with Olli's camera...
















and finally, Olli's camera back in the hands of it's rightful owner....















Of course, we had to get some photos together.. again, to prove that we know each other...

yeh... I'm crying in that one.
















And I dunno... something about this one just really captures our personalities..... :D
















Ok, so it's REALLY hard to hold the camera out yourself and get good photos, especially with my camera which is on the larger side.

After the required session of seeing-whats-new-on-each-others-iPods (I am so buying some songs by The Wedding, Olli!... and August Burns Red wasn't half bad either...and whatever Underoath song that was...eh, back to mah blog post...) and some quick xbox challenges, we headed to my room and played Taboo. Which is... well, you know what Taboo is, you have this card with a word on it and a bunch of words related to it, and you gotta get your team members to say the word without using any of the other words on the card. yeah, fun game.

Jemmi was enjoying herself...
















Annnndddd we also did a short round of arm-wrestling... I, uh, lost to both Calli and Quinton.

Below is Abel Schultz and Mark Roche...
















So finally at the end of the afternoon, Lynnie Roche suggested a group prayer... thanks a lot, Aunt Lynnie! I dunno for SURE, cuz it was kinda dark, but I think you could count the dry eyes afterward on one hand...

And the mandatory group photos:

the kiddos... ok, ok, I'll name them again, here we go, from left:
Acacia, Calli, me, Abel (in front), Olli, Quinton, Ed, Jemmi















and the mums and dads, of course:

eh, from left we have: Jill and Peter Schultz, Lynnie and Mark Roche, and dad and mom.
















Twas a fun afternoon, and the other photos are (as always) in my picasa album... or in the slideshow in the sidebar to the right...and there are also some in Olli's picasa album.

So, it's kind of caught me off guard how hard this whole goodbye-to-Fiji thing is... and then I realized that I've never actually done this before. See, I was pretty young when we left the states, so it wasn't too tramatic for me... more of a big adventure than a goodbye-to-home. And since then, I've only ever said goodbye for short times, or to people I'm used to being away from, or to people I've only known for a short time. So this is the first time I'm saying goodbye to home, and to really good friendships with some years of history to them, that I am used to having nearby and seeing every week or so. Anyway, I've been having a good cry every once in a while, mixed in with the excitement for this next "big adventure."

God's still in control, though... and it's a good thing, too!

7.1.09

Birthday Wishes... and a Crazy New Year

5 comments:
Well... I turned 18 yesterday. Not quite sure what to think of that. 
One the one hand, I'm really excited and think it's so cool... like, I never actually thought I'd really turn 18... that's just... weird. I'm an "adult." ... yeah, the people that know me are laughing right now. I didn't think it would feel like this to be 18. Wasn't I supposed to be ... mature? Ready for adult life? ... I still feel like my age is hovering somewhere between 9 and 14. Most assuredly not 18. 

I had an awesome birthday... was awoken by my family singing happy birthday ... yeah, they actually came into my room, the brave people. And, if any of you have ever heard my family sing happy birthday... there is really no more to say. If you haven't... then, well... you are missing out. My family believes that all harmony and tune should not exist on birthdays. Therefore, the goal is to see how much we can murder the birthday song. yeah, anyway, so I woke up to that.
Then we went over to the Pac Harbour beach for breakfast, which was fun. Mum made a pumpkin pie for breakfast... hey, how many days of the year do you get pumpkin pie for breakfast? The week after Thanksgiving, and then no more pumpkin pie, which is really sad, cuz I really like pumpkin pie, so mum made me some. 

Theeennnnn, mom and I went into town and we met up with some of our friends at this awesome little Indian restaurant that I am gonna miss like crazy when we leave, because seriously, food just shouldn't be that good. So we had a wonderful lunch with Aunt Jill, Aunt Lynnie, Shekinah, Acacia, and Calli. 
Finally, my neighbor, Kaki, made us an awesome birthday curry dinner. And I ate waaaayyyy too much. Because Kaki's curry is amazing. 

Lots of wonderful people wished me happy birthday... Calli wrote me a letter that made me cry (thanks a lot, Cal); Olli posted a birthday post on his blog; Savannah sent me an ecard; my facebook wall has tons of posts on it from everywhere from Singapore to Oklahoma City to Papua New Guinea... so that was special.

Now, turning 18 is supposedly a big deal, right? I mean, this year I head off to college, moving to the US of A, kinda scary... but expected. Being the OCD control freak I am, God decided to throw a few curve balls my way this year. So this should be a rather interesting year....

See, my dad just got put in as the FSC (Field Strategy Coordinator) for the Melanesia and South Pacific fields of the Church of the Nazarene. Which means... we are moving. To Papua New Guinea. That happened kind of fast, so I'm still in a bit of shock... here I thought I had 6 months left in Fiji. BUT, I am really excited... it's one of those freak-out-one-day, excited-the-next kinds of things. 

First of all, my family and friends who are not from this part of the world need to learn a new term: PNG. Means, Papua New Guinea.
 Next, they need to pull out their old globes which they bought when we moved to Fiji, and find PNG... it's the other half of what used to be Irian Jaya and is now West Papua, right above Australia. Found it? Alright, that's our new home. And yes, it is as remote as it looks.

I'm really excited to get to spend some time around the hospital up at Kudjip. I can't wait to really get to know the missionaries up there that I have met briefly and know are awesome people. I want to learn Tok Pisin, because I just think it's the coolest language ever. I am proud that I will be part of the group of MKs that "survived Dusin" (the PNG orientation process). I am really glad that this is happening a few months before I leave for the states, so that I can be a part of it. So yeah, mostly good feelings here...

Of course, a couple sad ones: I'm gonna really miss my friends and my youth group. Because, I have the most amazing friends and my youth group is like... wow. However, with visits back, and with the wonderful world of internet (email, blog, chat, facebook), I won't be leaving them forever. And hey... part of being an MK is saying goodbye... haven't we already discussed this?

So that's what's happening in my life at the moment... I think that 2009 is gonna be one of those buckle-your-seat-belt-and-hang-on years. How exciting! Don't ever say that my God is boring!

3.1.09

January 1, Day 7 - Goodbyes

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Well, we did actually wake up this morning, wonder of wonders... and headed over to the Flemmings' apartment, where the other kids-who-were-still-here were staying.































We still didn't know what we were doing, but we decided to head to chinatown and Vivo City, and see what happened.... ended up relaxingly hanging out all day, which was wonderful.

























































We finally had to say goodbye... yep, it was as terrible as I feared at the beginning of the week that it would be. But... it's part of the life God has given us... and I don't think that any of us would give up the awesome relationships we forged last week to avoid the pain of goodbyes.





























And now it's time to ... well... launch out on the next stage of life. It promises to be something of a wild ride, with some of the things that are happening.... well, but more about that on the next blog post. I think it has been a life-changing week. Isn't God amazing?!

December 31, Day 6 - Back to Singapore

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As the title says, this was our last day in Telunas... we left for the ferry at around 10:30 AM.

Of course, while waiting on the dock for our boat, the guys started tossing the football around...















Come on, you know what happens next....















Football goes swimming. It was recovered, by the way.

We got some good pictures of our wonderful leaders, who made this a life-changing week.
















And yes, of course they were a bit crazy....














On the boat ride back, some other iPods' batteries died... so mine was drafted, of course, because I have awesome music....















The ferry ride back...















We arrived back in Singapore late afternoon, and quickly cleaned up and took the MRT (hm, does that stand for Mass Rail Transport?) to the New Years Eve party at Uncle Verne and Aunt Natalie Ward's apartment that night.

Ok, so what do YOU think a party will be like when you deprive teens of sleep for a week, feed them caffeine and chocolate, and then keep them up until one o' clock?

below, from left: Maria, Brenna, me















yeah, it was fun... and crazy... I think the four of us playing Rook were laughing so hard we were crying. We also looked at pictures from the last week.
















We took the MRT back to the Rigsby's apartment just before they shut down for the night. (The MRTs, that is. The two younger Rigsby siblings had shut down for the night long ago.) We planned to meet up the next day with the other kids whose planes didn't fly out until late the next night.... now, we had no idea what we were gonna DO all day, but that never stops us.

December 30, Day 5 - Making Choices

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Our verses for today were 2 Timothy 2:1-7, 14-26, which talk about believing that it is possible to make a choice and be strong in Christ through all circumstances.

We had a very interesting activity today. We were told to meet on the beach, with something that could be used as a blindfold. We then hiked up into the jungle behind Telunas... a much more up-sloping trail than the one to the waterfall. Halfway up the trail, our guide, Yoshua, stopped us. He told us to put on the blindfolds... gulp... and then he led us the rest of the way up blindfolded so that we could not see where we were going. Our leaders then explained to us that we were going to be shown a rope, which was part of maze. We were supposed to follow the rope through the maze and find the end.
Here is the rope... be careful where you step... and if you need help, raise your hand.

I take a deep breath... well, but of course I can do this. How easy. Find end of rope. All you gotta do is hold onto it, and walk. The end will be there somewhere. In complete darkness, I started out... carefully, as I did not care to twist my ankle up here in the middle of nowhere. Step... step...step...step... oh, there is a tree. Feeling around the tree, I found that the rope turned. Followed the rope in it's new direction. Step...step...step...step... another tree. Another turn. Step..step...step...step... another tree, another turn. People are starting to grumble. This feels suspiciously like a circle. Being the person I am, I start to count steps. 20 steps, turn right. 20 steps, turn right. 20 steps, turn right. I have soooo tripped over this root before.

The leaders called out at intervals, reminding us to hold onto the rope tightly, and to raise our hand if we need help.

Suddenly I start hearing some exclaimations, and the footsteps of some of the kids move off in a different direction. I must be missing something. I hold to the rope tighter, and sure enough, on the other side of one of the trees, where the rope turns, there is another rope, leading off the other direction! Yes! a way out! holding to the new rope, I set off in a wonderful new direction. 20 steps. turn right. 20 steps... and this tree holds a colony of ants, how lovely. All of us discovered that tree, by the way. 20 steps, turn right... hm, now this feels suspiciously like another circle.

"Hold the rope... and raise your hand if you need help!"

Suddenly a little light came on in my head... maybe I DID need help! Maybe... just maybe...
my hand went up.

Noelle was behind me immediately, asking how she could help. I whispered, "are you allowed to show me the way out?"

She took off my blindfold, and led me to the side. Sure enough, there were two triangles of rope, connected by another rope, that I had been travelling confidently around and around.
"Good job" she whispered.
Yoshua announced, "One person has found their way out!"
Groans erupted from the group...

Well, as you can no doubt see, the point of this activity was that there are some things that we simply cannot figure out on our own. We have to ask for help. And usually, there are people who are willing to help us figure things out. We just have to ask. A well-made point, and one which I will remember every time I see a small yellow polyester rope, or run into an ant-filled tree.

below: me and Brenna coming back















When we got back, we had some fun jumping off the dock, swimming, playing volleyball, etc....






























One dock was quite high... and I did conquer my fear and jump off of it, I just don't have a picture of that on my camera. Go figure.














Sam and Verne did have a bit of fun with those who tried to push them in....































We got some group photos today, with our rendezvous t-shirts on...












































We had another bonfire tonight, roasted marshmallows, and sang... my camera apparently has an excruciatingly bright flash, so I was instructed to warn everyone before I took a photo at night... which resulted in lots of photos of people with eyes closed or hands over their eyes... but I won't make you see all of those.































We had a few heated discussions over whether you were supposed to burn marshmallows or slow-roast them... there seem to be some strong opinions over that issue... anyway, moving on.

During our night meeting, we talked about making choices as to what we were going to focus on in our lives... the difficulties and disadvantages that come with growing up as an MK/TCK, or the privileges and advantages that we have. Accepting our disadvantages, working through them, and choosing to joyfully focus on the positive is sometimes much more difficult than it sounds. We talked about how many times our "disadvantages" are just in our own minds... they are things which we believe that simply aren't true. We each wrote out a list of these lies, and threw the list into the bonfire... which was fun!
I think it is going to be very hard to leave that list in the bonfire and not take it back out and reconstruct it piece by ash-filled piece... however, with God's help it is possible!

After a few more games... and talking... we... went to bed... well, some of us did... eventually........ hey, we are teens at a camp. Who needs sleep?!

December 29, Day 4 - Culture Shock

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I woke up at a more reasonable time this morning, headed to breakfast, and then did devotions. Our verses for this morning were 2 Timothy 1:8-12. Included in these is one of my very favorite verses in the whole Bible (it's actually my profile on facebook):
"I know whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day."

I love this verse because as my world shifts and changes drastically every once in a while, and as my identity seems shaky, this verse really speaks a solid, unshakeable identity that is grounded in something other than me or my surroundings. Another thing that hits me about this verse is that God is able to keep what I have committed to Him. In other words... for Him to keep it, I have to commit it to Him. My achievements, my desires, my ambitions, my friendships, my world... if I commit it to Him, He is able to keep it.















After breakfast, we headed out on some boats bound for a waterfall! ... on the way, we stopped by some charcoal kilns





























About an hour boat ride took us to the beginning of our hike to the waterfall... about an hour and a half hike through the jungle, which was nothing new for most of us, but pretty cool nevertheless. Some of us saw monkeys... I got a real good look at the tree shaking after the monkey jumped.















We made good time to the waterfall, so we got some extra time to swim


































And we took a couple group photos that make us look like some edition of Survivor...





























We hiked the hour and a half back to the boat, and then rode back to Telunas. On the way back, some of us discovered that if you stick your hand out of the boat, into the water, it creates a fine mist that disperses evenly over all the passengers behind you....
yeah, anyway, we got back to Telunas in time for lunch, thankfully, and make short work of the amazing food.

Our activity for this day had to do with culture shock... demystifying something that we were all familiar with. We were divided into two groups, and each of our groups were given a list of rules and goals that defined our culture. Then, one of us was sent to the other group, and one of them was sent to our group. We were not allowed to tell them the rules that defined our culture, they had to figure them out by interacting with us... and the one of us that went to their group had to do the same. Then, the two explorers went back to their original groups and explained what they had figured out about the other "culture." This was repeated until everyone had had a chance to see if they could figure out the other culture.... a very interesting activity, as the two cultures were quite different. A discussion followed, having to do with how to figure out other cultures... and also defining what culture shock is and how to deal with it.

This topic was continued in the night meeting, with an explanation of the stages of culture shock.
Hm, lets see, I have my little work-sheet right here... ah, here we go:

Stage 1: Initial
- in this stage you just observe the culture you have entered, taking in the new sights and sounds, but not interacting with the culture

Stage 2: Fascination
-you want to try new things out, taste new foods, engage the culture- everything is exciting... this usually lasts 1-3 months. then comes...

Stage 3: Conflict
-things are no longer fascinating, but instead are draining, frustrating, and unfamiliar. you are trying to figure out how things work, and are failing miserably, and you want to go home. How long this stage lasts depends on choice... you can stay in this stage forever, or you can choose to accept your surroundings and where God has placed you and move on through the conflict stage to the ....

Stage 4: Recovery
-things are ok, manageable, familiar. still frustrating, but you sort of know how things work, so it's not so terrible. this leads to ...

Stage 5: Integration
-things are fine, enjoyable, fun, and natural. this culture feels like home.

Now, these stages aren't always clear-cut... even though after 8 years in this culture I would say I am fairly integrated, there are still things that frustrate me to no end. And our leaders also explained something that we have experienced at least some: when we re-enter our passport country, the same stages of culture shock happen all over again!

1. Ooh, look at that, people actually check themselves out of the store with a credit card... weird.
2. let me try, let me try!
3. dude, this is terrible. how can you stand this? it's so confusing...
4. ok, ok, I think I have it...
5. of course I can check myself out with a credit card... here, let me show you.

Some good discussion, great tips... and best of all, we found out that we weren't alone, that there were... well, at least 11 kids... who went through the same things we did!

These discussions didn't stop at the meeting, by the way... they continued on to the dinner table, on the beach... etc...

below: Maria and Esther















After meetings we played games until late.... of course....I mean, you can sleep when you get home!