webMASTER

I have spent the last few days coding like crazy... see, we are about to release a new website, and I'm trying to get as much as I can done before I leave my computer and internet.
And no, I'm not going to tell you the new site name yet. Sorry.

ANYWAY, after many solid hours of coding, I've come to notice a few things about my job, which of course I shall share with you all. lucky you.

If you do web coding, then you will relate to this post.
If you do not, then welcome to a little window into the life of a webmaster.

I love the term "webmaster." It sounds so... MASTER-ish. I mean... hello, what do you do, I'm a webMASTER. mwa-ha-ha. Whoever came up with the term must have been a webmaster.
Ok, so now that we have established that I love the name of my job, we shall move on to other things about it.

What do webmasters do? Well... essentially we spend our days staring at a small, thin screen through which we view and manipulate the world. We do this by typing away at a little keyboard in strange isoteric languages and then clicking a magical button labeled "preview" which displays our craftmanship. *type type type* *preview*

I am not quite sure why we must use such weird-looking code, complete with symbols and shortcuts and whatnots, why can we not just type "put that thing here." I have, however, come up with a workable theory. That is this:

We are paid for what we do. If everyone could do it, everyone WOULD do it, and we would be out of a job. Therefore, we must make what we do look as impossible as possible. End of theory. But, fellow webmasters, murder me not. It's just a theory.

The existence of code languages, whatever their purpose, does make for some interesting characteristics which usually mark a webMASTER and set them apart from the other inhabitants of earth.

Characteristic 1: When asked where the mop is, they will answer their mother in the following way:
div class, kitchen. object id, mop. position, relative. float, left. end div. *blink blink*

Characteristic 2: They will have uncontrollable bursts of warning such as, "MOM! SAVE A COPY OF THAT CARROT ON A THUMB DRIVE BEFORE YOU CUT IT UP!!! You might want to roll back to the previous state. Your internet could cut out, leaving you with a half-cut carrot! You really should save a copy."

Characteristic 3: They will be obbessed with spelling: "No, no, spell it c-o-l-o-r, not c-o-l-o-u-r. Even though the latter may be used in the majority of the world by the majority of people, the former is the only one which the programs will accept. If you spell it the latter way, you will end up with *shudder* Default Coloring."


I could continue here, but since probably only a small portion of my audience is getting this post at all, I should probably stop. I shall leave you with a joke, which most of you will probably not get.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Amen.

Don't worry, that got most of my coding jokes out of my system. I shall attempt a post for regular, sane, normal people in the near future.